#40weeks and counting

the due date has come and gone

laying around waiting for the arrival, and sleeping with the swaddling blanket to imbue it with my pheromones for a little comfort hopefully

cameo cafe selfie in my favorite ridiculous floral high-waisted shorts


i was delighted to find out moths and humans both have meconium as they newly emerge into the world 




we moved recently, and i've had fun taking selfies in new morning diffused light under our amazing tree of heaven outside (otherwise known as a ghetto palm, or tree of hell) 

it's been a kind of long 9 months, but it's flown by, as i'm sure everyone says

i've had fun being a little subversive with my shots, although not as brave to show all of them. it's interesting how many body parts mimic each other

i've still had a bit of morning sickness, but i'm hoping that is on its way out in the next days/weeks depending on when this little bundle decides to emerge

i received one carrier that i had registered for, and it's kind of complicated, so i'm looking for an alternative means of transport. planning is hard in life, no matter how many opinions and preparations you have

 planning for breastfeeding is also a challenge. do i just give my boobs a pep talk?

and the snippets of what to bring to the hospital often repeat, but you never really know what you'll end up wanting, needing or using. life lesson #1 little man. plan but be flexible



i found this book this week, and realized i think i could totally bond with a little dude who wants to learn about this stuff

10 weeks ago in the same spot shows a much smaller belly 

this is what hypnobirthing is leading me to believe is about to happen. i'm welcoming that mindset with open arms



a shining moment

i went to babies r us today, my own personal hell i think, and found these teethers

i had to. #gianthighwaistedridiculousshortsforawatermelonbelly

a selfie in the bathroom at babies r us. all i kept thinking in my head was "one of these things is not like the others." i went to ikea next, still not my favorite, but at least the other moms were also wearing black and had tattoos and looked a little more like my people 

sometimes this is how my belly feels inside--some joy some atomic action


#36 1/2 weeks

i have been tracking my belly growth through photography, though not religiously

it has been as much a surprise honestly as my bike accident was years ago, and i like tracking the change from an observational standpoint as i did for the oral series

i was so unprepared. i thought i would become 4 times the size i started out being, and my purchases of XXL maternity clothing and kaftans that i absolutely swim in have revealed my inability to really see my body clearly

i look forward to examining the process, afterbirth, and what i hope will be my body's return to its former shape, although i know like any other metamorphosis, this experience will forever mark me


#36weeks one month to go!

inspired by frida to wear flowers in my hair. i know babies can be grabby and pulling with long hair, so it's probably good for me to start exploring alternative accessorizing for the coming months/years (no pulling of earrings from my ears or ripping apart of necklaces please!)

yes i am still sick. another woman i met yesterday gained 120 pounds with her only pregnancy, her companion lost weight and was as sick as me all 9 months

 it has definitely been a long road, but i'm glad the end is in sight

dutch baby baby at the original original pancake house

the biggest irony for me is that i can sometimes keep down foods that i have been avoiding for years now (wheat and dairy) that are sugary and easy to digest. while when i try to eat raw vegetables, and healthy options for my baby (and me) they'll stay in my system and eventually leave the way they came. luckily melon and figs and peaches have seemed to be good options

we took a newborn care and breastfeeding class this week

 making me think a bit more about the upcoming last literal push of the process


and daddy was doodling in class


#35weeks it's a boy

continuing with the gender sketches in confection

i also bought some stereotypically-gendered-color-specific candies and made a couple of sculptural elements of my own. there were so few blue options they didn't turn out well sadly

i have continued getting sick every week, and was quite sick during the weekend of the 4th, and on into the week. i don't think the heatwave helped, but i spent many days in bed

a wet tshirt and a fan helped, i think that would be my recommendation to anyone pregnant without air conditioning (and this week it's supposed to be much more mild in the portland tradition)

we finally did have our gender reveal party, and i made this plaster "cake" 

we also shared this face-morphed photo-shopped flying baby cake from beaverton bakery. it was hilarious, horrifying, and delicious!

sometimes a nightgown with a belt is all a girl needs in hot weather

i screen shot this poem by robert creeley who both matt and i love. i had a number of people in the last couple of weeks try to tell me i was both huge ("are you sure there's only one in there?") but simultaneously tell me i'm tiny.  i'm trying to work on my attitude and willingness to participate in small talk because i know that's how our culture operates, but some of me wishes we were a little more european and less apt to speak just because we feel we're supposed to, or because we're uncomfortable with silence. i would wager if the women who come at me with these "jokes" would step back and remember what it was like for them they would realize some of those ice-breakers or buddy-buddy kinds of statements just don't really accomplish what they're hoping for. and i'm an especially bad audience for them because i feel sick most of the time, and having to fake my smiles through humor that feels kind of insulting, and bad physical health is just too much to ask sometimes